December 12, 2015

Happy Birthday, Joe Sestak!

From mowing down toddlers at parades to walking across Pennsylvania by himself, Joe Sestak has had a quite memorable year. In honor of his birthday, let’s take a look back at the most noteworthy, catastrophic, and downright hilarious moments of Sestak’s last year:

1.     The Time He Said ISIS Was “Out Of Gas”

Most candidates don’t compare dangerous international terrorist organizations to what happens when you procrastinate on filling up your Ford Escort, but Joe Sestak isn’t most candidates.

2.     That Time He Mowed Down Kids At A 4th Of July Parade

Let’s not forget the innocent kids that Sestak repeatedly plowed over during a local 4th of July Parade. Treating children like bowling pins might not be a golden ticket to the Senate.

3.     No One Likes Him

Screen Shot 2015-12-12 at 11.11.24 AMAlong with the inability to rally voters, Sestak also can’t rally support within his own Party. Pennsylvania Democrats looked for anyone – literally anyone – to run against him. Former Pennsylvania Democratic Party Chair, T.J. Rooney even told the National Journal, “In my es­tim­a­tion, if Joe Ses­tak is the nom­in­ee in 2016 for U.S. Sen­ate, we will once again lose to Pat Toomey.”

4.     Walking Across Pennsylvania ALONE.

Most candidates try to meet and talk to as many constituents as possible during the campaign – not Joe Sestak. At the start of his campaign, he set off on a 422-mile trek across the state of Pennsylvania by himself. Talk to voters? Nah. A majority of his trek was walking on the side of the road all alone. What’s really impressive is he managed to avoid being cited for jaywalking! Sestak continues to take shorter lonely walks across the state. Just him, the tracker, and his iPhone.

5.     THOSE sneakers.

How could anyone forget the throwback-worthy sneakers from Sestak’s campaign announcement? The retro Reebok’s were the talk of the rally. Before the end of the day, they had their own Twitter handle and had their very own story in The Washington Post.  

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In honor of this special day, we just wanted to say “Happy Birthday, Joe!” We’re sure your campaign will be just as weird, your walks just as lonely, and your foreign policy positions will be just as wrong, next year.